📣 Il mio libro è finalmente in libreria! →

"Stop crying!" doesn't work

Carlotta Cerri
Salva

Stop crying!

I often hear parents say it to their visibly distressed children at the play ground, probably also to show other parents that they’re taking action. I’ve said it myself to my own children more than I care to admit, because their crying can push all my buttons at once.

But really, DOES IT EVER WORK? Do they ever stop crying, when you tell them like that? And is that really the message you want to send your children—that crying and showing their emotions when they’re sad or upset is something they shouldn’t do?

Close your eyes for a second and imagine YOURSELF crying, feel the sadness that those tears bring with them. Now imagine your friend pointing his finger at your face and saying, “Stop crying!” (which really means, “your emotions are not important to me”). How do you feel?

Close your eyes again, feel the same sadness, imagine the same tears. Now imagine your friend sitting next to you, and saying, “Breathe, I’m here when you’re ready” (which also means, “I value your emotions, and I have time for you”). Doesn’t this make you feel better?

Now think of your children crying (for whatever reason or “non-reason”), screaming, visibly distressed and confused, because emotions are confusing: what kind of friend do you want to be for them?

Be that friend.

Accedi alla conversazione

Parla di questo post con il team La Tela e tutta la community e unisciti alle conversazioni su genitorialità, vita di coppia, educazione e tanto altro.

Ti consiglio anche

When I feel that anxiety takes over, I breathe and play the 5-4-3-2-1 game.
2 min
Blog
At the market. A mom holds her 6 months old baby boy while buying veggies. He observes everything, all the colors, it’s a sensorial explosion, he’s mesmerized, focus, calm. He’s...
2 min
Blog
4
19 min
Podcast
Let's talk again about the NOs we say to our children. Let's talk about their hysterical reactions when we say them.Most NOs we say to our kids are a product of the way we were ...
6 min
Blog
“Stop doing that, or I’ll call the police”, “Don’t go there, or a monster will get you”.Although we were raised hearing these sentences, and might think they’re innocent, the fl...
5 min
Blog
I sometimes share our struggles with Oliver and his bad days, I even wrote a post on the subject (you can find it here), but there’s something else I never shared with you, and ...
6 min
Blog
Il cervello coccodrillo ci ha aiutati a visualizzare l’emozione e domarla.
1 min
Blog
We sleep all together in one room. We have done it for a long time, way before we started traveling. People say, kids need to get used to sleep in their room. Kids need to learn...
3 min
Blog
I half wrote this post LONG time ago, over 8 months ago, but it never seemed the right time to publish. I’m not more ready now, I’m still on a rollercoaster of emotions, and I s...
7 min
Blog
NOTE two years later: I tried exactly the same with my second daughter, Emily, but it never worked with her, so as soon as I realized she would cry for hours, I decided to let g...
9 min
Blog