I no longer accept it when a mom writes to me "I don't have time for myself"; "My husband is always away"; “I'm alone on this journey”.
I used to be more accepting of this narrative, but not anymore. Because I know it doesn't work in the long term.
I have known for years, since in my online course I wrote, unfiltered, what I think about the importance of nurturing the woman behind the mother, and hundreds of mothers thanked me, often in tears.
I understood that this narrative was obvious for me, but it is not for everyone.
And so here I am, repeating it.
An alternative, more conscious, long-term education can coexist with any mother, but cannot exist if the mother doesn't take care of herself first. If she doesn't CREATE time for herself. If she doesn't listen to her own needs. The biggest obstacle in motherhood is not out children's emotions, it's ours.
You often ask me how I managed to change my nature, to educate calmly, to control my emotions. In four ways:
- Accepting that I can't always succeed.
- With many small daily changes, like the ones I always tell you about on my blog.
- Above all: taking care of the woman behind the mother. Being selfish, constructively selfish, doing whatever helps me feel better. Often even choosing what makes me feel good over my children.
- Demanding that parenting be done in two, because there's two of us. Not only demanding that my husband be there, make us a priority, be as much of a parent as I am, no more and no less. But also trusting him. Letting him make do. Letting him find his own ways to calm our crying babies who wanted to fall asleep with me while I was in my dance classes or having dinner with friends.
Yes to high contact, always.
Yes to following the child, always.
Yes to evolving as a parent, always.
Yes to long-term education, always.
NO to putting others before myself, never.
Take care of the woman behind the mother. Without her, there is no mom, there is no child, there is no couple, and there is no evolution.
I come first, always. You come first, always.