I miss my boy! (Going from one to two kids)

Emily was born a month ago, but I wrote this when she was five days old. When I read it again yesterday, I decided to share it with you because out of all the emotions I thought I’d feel, I wasn’t expecting this to be the most intense! I wonder if this is something all mums feel when a second child comes along…

I’m curious to hear from you, What was your experience going from one to two kids? What did you find hard or joyful? Please, share below :-)

Today Oliver woke up when Emily was still sleeping, I ran into his room before he could get out of bed, picked him up and carried him to the living room. He put his arms around me and his head on my shoulder.

We’ve been missing each other since Emily came along.

I sat on the couch, he sat on my lap, I hugged him, he looked around—he was probably checking where Ellie was (that’s how he calls her 😍). He put his hand in my shirt (since he stopped breastfeeding he loves holding his hand on my breast, it soothes him) and sat there taking in all my kisses and cuddles (I always wish I could stop time when that happens). Just like that, he fell asleep. He slept on me for at least an hour, my arm was sore, I desperately needed to pee, we were both sweating like pigs, but I wouldn’t have moved for anything in the world.

I’ve missed my boy. So much.

If you asked me what the most difficult part of becoming a mum of two has been so far, I wouldn’t doubt: not being able to spend time with Oliver. We were together, just the two of us, every day for 21 months and 16 days. Whatever I did, I did it with him. Wherever I went, I went with him.

Since Emily arrived five days ago—and I turned again into a giant boob that dispenses milk 26 hours a day—I haven’t been able to play with Oliver, to sit with him and read a book, to spend quality one-on-one time with him.

This has been the real emotional roller coaster of becoming a mother of two. I love the amazing, exclusive connection I get to make with Emily, but my heart ached a bit every time I watched Oliver play happily with daddy, aunty or grandma while I breastfed Emily on the couch, when I heard about his amazing time at the mall with daddy while I stayed home with Emily, when grandma took him out for one of my beloved walks, when I saw his enthusiasm after building the tallest Lego tower with zia Cri.

So today, instead of letting daddy play with Oliver and finally taking some time to myself while Emily was asleep, I held my little boy. I caressed his hair, kissed his head a million times, felt his breath against my chest, watched him sleep. And for the first time in these first overwhelming five days, I felt whole again.

As all things parenthood, you learn as you go. After only five days of being a mum of two, I learnt that I need Oliver as much as he needs me. From today onward, every time I’ll have the chance to, I’ll spend time with him, I’ll put him to sleep, I’ll read a book to him, I’ll play with him, I’ll make the tallest Lego towers with him, I’ll take him out for a walk and collect stones and leaves, I’ll take him out for orange juice and croissant (his favourite kind of date!) and we’ll spend quality time together.

Because these five days reminded me just how vital (and nice!) it is to carve out one-on-one time for the people you love.

PS. Today my mind went back to this lovely poem.